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Hello. My name’s James, I’m a freelance designer and I make websites. Amongst other things. In fact, loads of other things. I just didn’t want to seem too full on straight away. Imagine killing that sentiment within four sentences. Anyway, you’ve probably seen evidence of that already, so let’s not dwell on it. I suppose this is the point in proceedings where I’m supposed to bawl on about how amazing I am, possibly even pretending that I’m a whole bank of talented, streetwise internet prodigies that can solve any and all of your media quandries just by looking at it / them. ‘We’ do this and ‘we’ do that and what have you. But I’m not that. I’m just a man trying to make a difference. I’m not really even that, to be fair. And I’m probably a bit old to be considered a prodigy anyway.
So this is going well. I hate all that techspeak promise-the-moon-on-a-stick-and-leave you-for-dead goonery. If you like the stuff you need done doing quick and cheap, then I’m all over that. Ok, that sounds bad. I probably should’ve gone with ‘I’m the comparatively inexpensive alternative!’, but here we are. Let’s have an interval. I think it’s probably a good time for a picture, just to break things up a bit. Some technology – awesome websites on devices reflected on a white background or some such. I’ll see what I can find. Let’s go with this…
Ok, that’s fine. It’s not weird. Shut up. You’re weird for thinking it’s weird. Don’t worry about it. I said I wanted to break things up a little and it certainly delivered. Let’s move on, then. Oh yeah, personal stuff. Personal stuff to show how down to earth I am. I like tea and staying up late. I don’t care for Mondays. Absolutely nailed it. I hope that wasn’t too leftfield for you. I’d hate to lose your business by momentarily demonstrating a personailty trait or whatever.
All the stuff what I’ve done professionally can be found here. And unprofessionally. That sounded bad as well. Extracurricularly? Let’s go with that. I’ve condensed a lot of it down because on the old site there was like 500+ different projects in total and that just seemed like overkill. It was like walking into the Matrix. But instead of zeroes and ones it was The Ideal Home Show and Rick Astley. Nobody needs that.
To summarise: I never really needed an ‘about’ section in the first place. It’s essentially ‘man does thing’. I’m alright at it but I’ve been doing it for absolutely ages, so you’d expect that. Honestly. And you can see all of that up there.
Probably end this now. I appreciate you having got this far, I really do.
PS Jeff the rabbit (above) sadly died. I still miss him.
‘Connect’. Like I’m a real person or something.
I don’t really use Facebook much because it reminds me of the type of people that use Facebook. Twitter is largely shouting about how terrible the world is. To counteract that, Instagram is T shirts. I’m yet to really discover a point to LinkedIn other than spying on the people spying on you.
Here’s a massive list of people who have given me money in exchange for stuff. Some of them pay quicker than others.
Here are some links to the old site. Just because the sheer volume of work and how it was set up got a bit overbearing. I can’t have you people thinking I’m quantity over quality. I’m actually both, so…
Anyway, these pages are just wall to wall images with no words. Who knows, maybe you’re into that type of thing.
Whatever happens, you won’t need my phone number. I won’t answer anyway. For numerous reasons. Terrible reception is one. You know, the sort of terrible reception you’d expect from being right at the centre of one of the biggest cities on earth. Hating being on the phone is another, better reason. I hate phones. Paulie from Goodfellas had it right. About the phones, I mean. Not the theft, protection racketeering and shattering the kneecaps of people that owe you money.
If you’re one of those who’re offering to develop me a new website for £5, ‘SEO services’, water coolers for my ‘office’ or discounted wristwatches please do get in touch. I’ve always got time to reply back to you people. Always.
