Natalie Portman

Not a bad gig, landing Luke Skywalker’s mum when you’re 18. Not only that, but you get to go out with Darth Vader. Kind of. Well, after nearly three films worth of meandering you kind of do. I say that, it’s not even Dave Prowse. Who, lest we forget, is from Bristol. The second most scary bloke in the galaxy and he talks like Stephen Merchant.

Anyway, unlike Hayden Christensen, Portman’s career is littered with decent stuff (mostly ‘cos she’s good and he has the acting ability of a wet glove nailed to a lamp post). ‘Heat’, ‘Mars Attacks!’, ‘Closer’ and suchlike. Mind you, for every ‘V for Vendetta’ there’s an excruciating romantic comedy co-starring Ashton Kutcher. And no, I haven’t seen it. I don’t need to. Nobody does. I mean…’V for Vendetta’ isnt even that good, but up against Ashton Kutcher, getting your legs shredded in a threshing machine isn’t bad.

I suppose the moral of that particular story is: if you want a new kitchen, you’re going to have to serve up some dross.

Still, at least she looks alright. Right?